Matters Of Life And Death

"We're all just walking each other home" ~ Ram Dass
Matters Of Life And Death
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  • Tag: ego

    • How To Live In This World…

      Posted at 7:01 PM by Krista Gorman, PA-C, on November 28, 2016

      This is a topic that came up in conversation today around my NDE and coming back…how did I continue living in this 3D world knowing what I knew?

      It wasn’t easy.  I spent so much time going around and around in my head about what I knew happened and what my ego wanted to tell me didn’t.  The ego-aspect of myself was fearful of the fact that if I consciously acknowledged my experience in the afterlife, I’d have to change…drastically.  It wasn’t an option, it was a necessity.  My “old” life wasn’t what my higher self, my ego-less self, desired and required to exist in.  So imagine:  a newly graduated Physician Assistant, a brand new mother, a cardiac arrest patient trying to recover, and the wife of a touring musician completely changing their life because of a near death experience…

      It didn’t happen.  Not for a while, anyway.  So, I had to adapt and assimilate and figure out how to live in this world knowing what I knew.  I actually remember making the decision to forget about my NDE and focus myself on my life.  I had to live rather than simply exist  but my soul’s purpose was higher than just existing yet, I couldn’t reconcile the two no matter how hard I tried.  And boy, did I try.

      Many unhappy years later I found myself miserable and basically alone.  I had my beautiful daughter, whom I absolutely lived for.  I  wasn’t living for myself, or my husband.  My NDE was a constant through many ups and downs and changes in my life, always there, nagging at me to pay attention to it.  Finally, one day when I’d had enough, I decided to revisit it and wrote my experience down.  The whole thing, from start to finish and actually felt it through.  I found myself in tears wanting desperately to be able to carry the incredible infinite love of the universe with me, to feel it permeate every bit of my soul, to merge collectively with it once again.  I remember being angry at myself for digging it up again, feeling the frustration and pain of not knowing how to use it in my life  when something hit me.  I became acutely aware of what I needed to do.  It was very simple, the message of my NDE.  Love.  Love is all.  All is love.  I am love and loved beyond measure.

      Love was the answer and it was where my work began.  Learning how to live in this world as that love was one of the reasons I came back.  The other was to meet the person who would help me on my path back to myself.  Overarching it all was being a mother and guide to my daughter.  I’m doing all those things and will continue to do all these things until my last breath is taken once again.

      It’s truly a journey.

      Love to you on yours.  Lots and lots of it.  xox

      Posted in appreciation, how to live in this world, life, loving ourselves, Uncategorized, understanding ourselves | 2 Comments | Tagged ego, life, loving each other, loving ourselves, Peace, self acceptance
    • Awareness and Letting Go

      Posted at 12:08 PM by Krista Gorman, PA-C, on March 20, 2015

      When I talk about my journey after having my daughter and a near death experience at the same time, I often have “a -ha!” moments where new revelations help my understanding of my life and death grow.

      For many years after my NDE, in order to appease everyone around me, I made a conscious effort to continue being the “old” Krista, the one who thought the same as she did and acted the way she would, but now had the experience of the love I really was, so being the “old” Krista no longer felt quite right.  Still, in order to maintain what felt safe in my life, I justified the feeling and found a way to continue living that way.

      Even though my memory and retention wasn’t that great,  (8 minutes without blood flow to my brain) because I focused my attention on things like grudges and past hurts, I was able to hold on to them which of course made them easier to remember.  One of the things I’d done in my life before was to be easily slighted and resentful.  Being that way never felt good, but I wasn’t able to connect the “not feeling good” to my own thoughts and behaviors.  It was always someone else’s fault, not mine.  Ego can be incredibly strong when we’re not aware!

      Once I began my process of reawakening to the love I am, I realized the hurt and resentment wasn’t in alignment with who I was.  I worked less at holding onto and was gradually able to heal and let go of the negative emotions I’d carried with me from the past.  I began to feel lighter and more in alignment with my true self.

      During that process I had a significant a-ha moment while reading through someone’s Facebook post where they used the phrase “Forgive but don’t forget.”  I disagreed.  My memory loss and poor recall along with remembering who I really am has allowed me to easily forget the things others do or say that my ego may initially perceive as hurtful.  Not only that, but I’ve allowed my ego to take a backseat to the love I am and rarely feel slighted or injured by the action or lack of action of those around me.  It’s not that I consciously let it go each and every time but I simply forget about it, not just in my mind but in my body as well.   I also choose over and over to live from the perspective of love and compassion so the times where negative feelings enter into my consciousness are not nearly as frequent as they were in the past.

      Thoughts manifest in our physical form and what I discovered when I began to make my transformation here, returning to the love I am, was that I started to physically feel better.  I was not holding on to negativity.  For a long time I worked at not letting it go because it kept me tethered to my ego and my ego kept me stagnant so I didn’t have to open up and be the person I knew my self to be.  Through letting go of the fear of being “me” I was able to heal past hurts and let them go so I could better live my truth.  It’s the same path we all walk toward living in this world as the love we are and I wish that same feeling of freedom for everyone!

      Much Love!  xox

      Posted in Uncategorized | 0 Comments | Tagged acceptance, awareness, beauty, choices, compassion, ego, good health, healing ourselves, law of attraction, living our truth
    • Ego = Discourse + Disease

      Posted at 2:04 PM by Krista Gorman, PA-C, on July 12, 2014
      Posted in Uncategorized | 0 Comments | Tagged awareness, disease, ego, fear, friendship, hate, health, kindness, love, religion, spirituality
    • The F-word

      Posted at 2:52 PM by Krista Gorman, PA-C, on May 5, 2014

      Fear.  Such a powerful four-letter word.

      It holds us back from fully expressing our divine nature, and is the exact opposite of what we are in our essence, which is love.

      Ego and fear are the same thing.  Where there is fear there is ego.  Where there is ego, there is fear.  Love cannot exist where ego and fear exist.  Where love cannot exist, our divine nature cannot be expressed.  When our divine nature cannot be expressed, our lives are under-lived and their full potential under-realized.  

      Live from love today.

      xoxox

       

      Posted in Uncategorized | 0 Comments | Tagged abundance, afterlife, cosmos, death, ego, f-word, fear, God, health, human potential, life, love, near death experience, self-expression, wealth
    • The Procrastination–Ego analogy…

      Posted at 10:09 AM by Krista Gorman, PA-C, on February 4, 2014

      ….mirror images….the “devil” on my left shoulder, poking me with it’s pitchfork while my “angel” speaks kindly to me on my right.  

      Why do I listen to the pokey-pitchfork-devil-annoying thing more often these days than not?

      The answer is:  because I am living from my ego.  Plain and simple.

      When my psyche is telling me I am to complete a task, even as mundane as bringing out the trash, and instead I sit down and turn on the television, I am living from ego.  

      Now, I am not always conscious of this.  Why am I not conscious?  Because ego is running the show.  

      How do I become conscious?  Through awareness of my resistance toward whatever it is I am choosing not to do.  Any task or undertaking that enters my consciousness is there because it is supposed to be there.  When dismissed by ego, I have become temporarily stuck to it, unable to move into the next moment with ease.

      Now, for that garbage….

      Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments | Tagged angels, buddhism, consciousness, death, devils, ego, enlightenment, life, light, love, motivation, near death experiences, procrastination
    • January Beach Day

      Posted at 9:55 AM by Krista Gorman, PA-C, on January 12, 2014

      Yesterday, I walked a crowded beach, digging my toes into the soft white sand as I made my way past the clusters of sun-worshippers.  I hadn’t been on this particularly beautiful beach for (I’m embarrassed to admit) years.  I live only 20 minutes away, but have allowed my thoughts come between me and my true nature.  The ocean, the sand, the sun, are all me, and I them.  They have remained ever-present, a constant stream of the energy of the universe, while I distanced myself, preoccupied with thoughts about other things that separated me from this beauty right in my backyard.

      I relinquished those thoughts and chose, instead, to connect with my self through the beauty of divine nature.  It revived and realigned me with who I am.  Today, on this Sunday morning, I am feeling connected and peaceful.  Approaching my world from this place allows me to be of better service to those around me, because I have first nurtured my self.

      I wish all of you a peaceful Sunday morning.

      xox

      Posted in Uncategorized | 0 Comments | Tagged acceptance, beach, connection to ourselves, ego, fear, law of attraction, life, love, moon, near death experience, Peace, self love, sun, water
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