Matters Of Life And Death

This is a topic that came up in conversation today around my NDE and coming back…how did I continue living in this 3D world knowing what I knew?

It wasn’t easy.  I spent so much time going around and around in my head about what I knew happened and what my ego wanted to tell me didn’t.  The ego-aspect of myself was fearful of the fact that if I consciously acknowledged my experience in the afterlife, I’d have to change…drastically.  It wasn’t an option, it was a necessity.  My “old” life wasn’t what my higher self, my ego-less self, desired and required to exist in.  So imagine:  a newly graduated Physician Assistant, a brand new mother, a cardiac arrest patient trying to recover, and the wife of a touring musician completely changing their life because of a near death experience…

It didn’t happen.  Not for a while, anyway.  So, I had to adapt and assimilate and figure out how to live in this world knowing what I knew.  I actually remember making the decision to forget about my NDE and focus myself on my life.  I had to live rather than simply exist  but my soul’s purpose was higher than just existing yet, I couldn’t reconcile the two no matter how hard I tried.  And boy, did I try.

Many unhappy years later I found myself miserable and basically alone.  I had my beautiful daughter, whom I absolutely lived for.  I  wasn’t living for myself, or my husband.  My NDE was a constant through many ups and downs and changes in my life, always there, nagging at me to pay attention to it.  Finally, one day when I’d had enough, I decided to revisit it and wrote my experience down.  The whole thing, from start to finish and actually felt it through.  I found myself in tears wanting desperately to be able to carry the incredible infinite love of the universe with me, to feel it permeate every bit of my soul, to merge collectively with it once again.  I remember being angry at myself for digging it up again, feeling the frustration and pain of not knowing how to use it in my life  when something hit me.  I became acutely aware of what I needed to do.  It was very simple, the message of my NDE.  Love.  Love is all.  All is love.  I am love and loved beyond measure.

Love was the answer and it was where my work began.  Learning how to live in this world as that love was one of the reasons I came back.  The other was to meet the person who would help me on my path back to myself.  Overarching it all was being a mother and guide to my daughter.  I’m doing all those things and will continue to do all these things until my last breath is taken once again.

It’s truly a journey.

Love to you on yours.  Lots and lots of it.  xox