Being an Aquarius, I tend to go back and forth between being really attached and deeply affected by the pain others are going through, to the point where my mental space is constantly occupied by it. I want to help fix it, to make it better so we all can feel better, but that’s not always the best thing. So, I detach. That way I’m less affected. The polarity of the two can make it seem like I’m “hot” and “cold” when what I’m really trying to do is avoid emotional pain. This is something I’m just now realizing about my self.
What led me to realize it? Emotional pain. Not on an incredibly deep level, but all-encompassing, if that makes any sense. My point of reference to my self and the world around me suddenly shifted when something was removed from my life, and I realized how very much attached I’d become to it. Here’s my dilemma…
I want to love deeply, to experience all of life and squeeze as much out of each experience as I can..to really feel it, yet I am afraid of being hurt so I hold back emotionally, appearing aloof and uncaring at times. That’s not how I want to be. So, how do I change it?
Love, but don’t attach. I love everyone. i really do. But, I don’t attach my self to them because I feel pain if something happens that my ego doesn’t want to happen. That’s not really loving detachment then. Loving and being in love, really being in it, free from fear, is my lesson now. Ego has to take a back seat for this to happen. It’s the way I need to live in this world to be happy, joyful and free 🙂 I bless my lessons that led me to this place. I am grateful for the things that led me here. I wasn’t able to say that yesterday.
xoxo
Krista Gorman, PA-C
Matters Of Life And Death 